So it’s nearly my birthday and I thought, hey.. if others can take pictures of themselves in their ‘birthday suits’ why can’t I?
Usually, I am pretty confident when I am in clothes.. when I am out of them, though.. that’s another story. There’s just so much there (for me) to be insecure about and nowhere to hide.
What’s sad is that once upon a time, when I was going to school to become an illustrator, I used to do nude modeling several times a week for the art school I went to. I remember being nervous about it at first (having always been a size 14 or larger in a world that seems to prize size 2 naked bodies), but easily sliding into the role and having a lot of fun with it. The students never made rude comments toward me and they just drew or painted.
And when they drew, it was amazing to see how so many people could make different interpretations about my body. Some would draw me waaaaay larger (usually squat and kind of dumpy looking because they were trying to squeeze their entire drawing on the page only after they realized it wasn’t going to fit without cutting off my head, lol) and others would draw me as some sort of svelte model. Some (usually the guys) would draw me in really ridiculous, comic-esque poses (like Lady of the Cat People and a rock star goddess viking thingy) based on various things I would wear or have as props. In the end, I realized that everyone actually sees everyone else differently based on their own personal biases and experiences. It was just an interesting insight I had back then.
But for whatever reason, I guess I kind of lost that insight along the way. This photograph is serving to remind me that I am beautiful in my own way, regardless of what people may think of me and that I am fortunate that there are people in my life who love me regardless of what I look like and those that find me perfectly acceptable as I look, sans make-up and sans being a size 0-10 (since I will never be that small, more than likely).
Happy birthday to me! (I guess)